how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
