I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
