I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
