what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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