I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
