Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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