I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
