it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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