Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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