I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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