I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
