I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
