this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
