i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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