I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
