i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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