This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
