3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think I sprained my soul last night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
