Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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