its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
