Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
