I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
as a side note pls kill me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
