Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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