dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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