From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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