sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
