Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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