guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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