is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
