I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
