Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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