I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
