Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
