I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
