I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
