At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
