halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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