We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
