You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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