Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
