farters have to be the big spoon...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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