There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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