apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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