I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
