she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
