She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
