i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
