Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
