So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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