Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
