ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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