there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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